The Day Trader’s Aptitude Test

1. When I want investment advice, I get it from:

a) The Stock Market Guide to Profitable Investments
b) The Wall Street Journal
c) Complete strangers I run into at the video store.

2. When I wake up in the morning, I:

a) Shower
b) Get dressed.
c) Lift my head off the keyboard and start shorting drug stocks.

3. In order to trade stocks intelligently, one must have a:

a) BA
b) MBA
c) Mouse

4. The last book I read was:

a) Madame Bovary.
b) The Stock Market Guide to Profitable Investments
c) Windows 2000 for Dummies.

5. I go to the doctor:

a) Once a year.
b) Once every two years.
c) When I put my fist through the screen.

6. “GE” is a company that manufactures:

a) Paper
b) Cowboys
c) I have no idea, but I just bought two hundred shares.

7. When I am in a bar and meet a beautiful woman/man who seems to be attracted to me, the first thing I look at is:

a) Her/his face.
b) Her/his body.
c) Bloomberg

8. “Beating the spread” refers to:

a) The way whipped cream cheese is made.
b) The way Honduran peasant women clean their bed coverings.
c) Don’t know/care.

9. “P/E ratio” means:

a) Something to do with, like, stocks and junk like that.
b) The number of times per hour that a day trader has to use the bathroom.
c) Like I care?

10. A “tick” is:

a) A nervous syndrome common to day traders.
b) Something that often lives in a day trader’s hair.
c) These questions are really starting to make me mad, dude!

If you answered (c) to any of the above questions …


You do have what it takes to succeed in the fast-paced, action-packed world of the day traders!